Vizio Slim 37” 1080p 120hz LCD HDTV - $499.99

It Shouldn’t Be Allowed (In Low Resolution)

June 5th, 1956. Elvis Presley makes suggestive hip movements on The Milton Berle Show. And the concept of outraged parents is born.

To be fair, this was a show with a guy that sometimes came out in a dress, so we’re not totally sure why a little bit of wiggling was so bad. But it was, and Presley’s patented pelvic thrust was the very first crack in the wall of post-war decency, starting a chain reaction which can clearly only end as Marilyn Manson eats a newborn baby on the stroke of midnight, December 21st, 2012, while the vengeful Quetzalcotal rends open the veil between our dimension and his, bursting forth to incinerate those who stand against him and then claim dominion over all which he can survey.

And do you really want to be standing at the office water cooler the next day saying “No, guys, I already told you, I don’t have a TV”?

This slim 37 inch Vizio HDTV offers full 1080p High Def resolution, even though it’s only 2.2 inches thick. You’ll exceed all Energy Star guidelines and there’s SRS TruVolume, so that you don’t get stuck with noisy commercials. It also comes ready for a wall mounting bracket so you can free up for furniture. Best of all, this Vizio HDTV has three HDMI inputs, plus a Computer RGB input for easy connection (up to 1920 by 1080). With that kind of power, we’re pretty sure it can capture all the flesh-peeling psychedelia that you’d expect to see inside the maw of a dark and furious horror beyond mortal comprehension. And that, to us, means it’s worth it.

From Dennis Franz’s butt to Janet’s “wardrobe malfunction”, television has long been a desperate, steamy bed of immorality. Ask yourself, why prepare your FCC complaints on a tiny eight inch portable? Get this 37 inch Vizio and see clearly how the profanity loving executives who’d sell their own mother for ratings are slowly destroying the world in the name of their blasphemous pterodactyl overlord. What else are you gonna do, watch your blu-ray player?